The Hangover
by tilly90
Summary: After a rough week, Hermione decides to plan a romantic night in the Slytherin dorms for Draco. She enlists the help of Blaise, Theo and Goyle sending them out for a night in muggle London. The next day brings one hell of a hangover and the boys begin a search to find out just exactly what happened last night.
1. Chapter 1: The Morning After

**Chapter 1:** **The Morning After**

Goyle woke up with a deep guttural groan and felt the crusty remnants of sleep scratching at his eyes. He tried to slowly come to consciousness but startled awake to find himself eye to eye with some kind of inflatable human with a very large "O" shaped mouth.

"Aargh! Merlin! What the fuck?! Blaise? Theo? _BLAISE_? I'm stuck! Help! Help! I'm stuck!" Goyle screamed, he also discovered his favourite appendage was somehow glued to the doll like 'thing'.

Blaise, who had been face-down barely a metre from Goyle slowly raised his head and assessed the mayhem surrounding him.

They were lying on what appeared to be the floor of an opulent muggle hotel. Once opulent may have been a better choice of words as what Blaise saw made him gasp as his eyes shot wide in horror.

The plush cream carpet was strewn with bottles of alcohol in varying degrees of emptiness. To his right a gaudy pink feather bower was draped over what was left of a large leather armchair that had been torn to pieces. Lying precariously on its side in front of him was an ornate chandelier that had had its crystal adornments replaced with a rainbow of dildos ranging in sizes. Shredded black silk bedding was tossed around the room as well as pieces of lacy muggle lingerie. What was cause for alarm, however, was the rather large sleeping Lion lying in front of the fireplace adorned in a Slytherin scarf.

Oh, and the intricate mahogany king sized bed stuck to the ceiling.

"Goyle, mate", Blaise whispered, "I need you to very slowly and quietly move over to that door which I'm assuming is the en-suite". Thankfully the door was located behind them at a short distance because they were clearly fucked.

Goyle very slowly pushed down on the dolls head to see the situation for himself. Unfortunately, the inflatable doll made a loud squeaking sound that activated an audio component and it started moaning " _OH YEAH! OH YEAH!_ " Rather boisterously. The lion jolted awake and quickly readied itself to leap over the fallen chandelier.

"Run!" Yelled Blaise, and the two men legged it to the door behind them, wrenched it open and gracelessly tumbled inside.

"Shit, shit, shit! Where's our fucking wands?" Goyle said, whilst looking around the white marble bathroom from the floor. Blaise stood, shaking, and almost cried in relief when he spotted their wands floating on top of what appeared to be a beer filled, claw footed bathtub against the far wall. He strode over and snatched them up, quickly casting a locking and silencing charm on the door.

"Right, right. Just give me a minute; we need to think about what happened last night. We're in a muggle hotel. There's a sodding lion and...wait...what the!?", Blaise glanced at his appearance in the gold gilded mirror next to him and frowned. He was dressed head to toe in a muggle magician Halloween costume complete with a thin Edwardian styled mustache and a fake wand jutting out of a red glittery waistcoat. Hanging from his left wrist was a pair of fluffy leopard print hand cuffs and a bunch of fake flowers was bulging out of the pocket in his shiny synthetic pants. Blaise closed his eyes for a moment and took some deep breaths; he tried to remember the events that lead to their current situation.

Goyle, meanwhile, quickly vanished the blow up doll and grabbed the black monogrammed bathrobe hanging on the back of the door. He turned and slid down the tiled wall to his right taking his head in his hands. It was a moment before he spoke again, the residual glue from the doll still flaking on his skin. He absently picked at it and turned to Blaise.

"Granger, map, strip club." He blurted out.

Blaise's eyes narrowed and he stared at his friend on the floor.

"Granger", he growled.


	2. Chapter 2: The Day Before

**Chapter 2: The Day Before**

Hermione was stalking the corridors of Hogwarts to track down the Slytherin boys. She had just left the library after cramming all her N.E.W.T homework for the weekend so she would have Friday night free. It had been a mammoth task but with all her weekly planning she had been successful.

Now, phase two of her plan needed to be carried out.

It was fortunate that the boys were quite predictable in their Hogwarts jaunts, with Friday afternoons typically encompassing some rounds of Firewhisky from the astronomy tower. As she scaled the winding staircase she could hear their muted conversation and the clinking of crystal tumblers. She approached the landing at the top of the stairs and saw Blaise, Goyle and Theo lounging on some conjured brown leather chairs in a very stereotypical Slytherin fashion. She smirked at the scene in front of her that was so inherently Gatsby-esque. The irony not being lost that they were all the last bastions of pure blood gentility.

"Granger! If you're here about Mr brooding blonde, I have to say I'm staying out of this one. White flagging it, if you will. Self preservation and all that," Theo stated before taking another deep drink of his whisky.

"Hello boys," she brightly replied. "I am here about Mr blonde but first- don't you think you should have warded the stairs? Anyone could come up here."

She glanced over her shoulder and then raised an eyebrow at the group with a questioning look.

"Well you see dearest, we are, in fact, model students who have taken initiative this fine afternoon to practice some rather detailed transfiguration work," Theo said in mock seriousness. "Snape was rather impressed and gave us all house points for our fine upholstery work just minutes before your arrival." He looked at her with his dazzling blue eyes and smiled brightly before giving her a mock solute with his glass.

The boys were now all avidly smirking at her and she rolled her eyes and conjured her own chair to join them. She needed them to go along with her plan so she filed away her rant for a later time. It was time for the proposition.

"Ok, I know Draco has had a difficult week after the drama with Lucius so I have something special planned for him tonight. I need you boys to be occupied for the night...elsewhere. I have made arrangements and you can return tomorrow. I just need tonight with the dorm room free."

"Well it's not every day that your golden boy progeny declares he's moving in with his muggle born girlfriend after graduation...in muggle London...with one solitary PAID house elf...and a fluffy orange cat beast" remarked Theo with barely suppressed glee. "I would have paid good money to be there for that conversation. In fact, I should ask Drake for the memory to view. I could probably sell it to those Weasley twins for that shop of theirs." Ever the entrepreneur, he looked like he was running the figures through his head and seriously contemplating the idea.

Blaise snickered, "Might as well get that howler memory from this morning too. I thought he was going to flip the table at one point. He's been on the warpath all day. He's barely said a word but everyone's practically tripping over themselves to get away from him."

"That howler was fucking intense, that's the fourth one now isn't it?" Goyle asked.

"Fifth", Hermione exclaimed and then sighed. She adjusted her crossed legs and gazed out to the view of the grounds from their high vantage point.

"Chin up bookworm, we'll comply with your demands. It's mutually beneficial if you have something of interest planned for us, plus we get to have a breather from all the angsty rage until he cools down." Blaise was sympathetic to their situation and had been Draco's main confidant over the backlash he'd been hammered with from his father. Their talks were mainly discussions of retribution and ways to shield Hermione from the onslaught but Blaise knew this was hurting Draco more than he was letting on. It was the Slytherin way to seek vengeance first and foremost and he didn't expect any tear filled rants about never getting daddy's approval. It simply wasn't done.

Hermione smiled and was truly thankful that she had developed friendships with the Slytherins. They were slimy bastards but they took care of their own. She picked up her suede grey satchel from beside her chair and pulled out a folder with the details for their night enclosed. All three of the boys raised their eyebrows and waited for the obvious debrief that was about to start.

"Contrary to what you are all thinking, "she leveled them with a knowing look, "I do actually have something fun planned for you and have booked you a booth at this muggle club tonight. There's a map in here of the location as well as some muggle money. You can get a taxi once you cross over to Muggle London from the boundary. There are also the access cards you will need to get into your suite at the hotel-Oh! - And I've written down some phrases that might help you for this specific place. They will know what you mean. "

Goyle looked excited whilst Blaise and Theo exchanged a curious look with one another before turning to Hermione and broadly grinning.

"Well, well, well our Friday night suddenly got interesting. I'm impressed, Granger. Care to explain what type of establishment this is?" Blaise found it curious that there were a lack of details about the nature of this club. Hermione was fastidious in all aspects of her life and usually went overboard to prep them for all circumstances when they ventured to the muggle realm.

"This one's a surprise Blaise, just use the phrases once you're there and you'll be fine."

Blaise stuck his tongue in his cheek and tilted his head back slightly to look down his nose at her. He narrowed his eyes slightly and stared at Hermione for a few moments before reaching out for the folder.

Hermione passed it over with a bemused expression and cheerfully clapped her hands together. "Well that concludes my business boys! Enjoy!" She rose from her conjured chair and picked up her satchel making her way towards the tower stairs.

The boys waved to her retreating back and then looked to Blaise who was checking the contents of the folder. He smirked and turned to address them. "Time to suit up gentlemen, it's going to be an experience."

He had no idea how right he was.


	3. Chapter 3: Draco and Hermione's night

Hermione had borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak and stealthily made her way to the Slytherin entrance. She stopped in front of the eerie stone wall and had to suppress an eye roll as she muttered the password "bow down bitches", it was probably Blaise who came up with that one. Her entry was timed to make sure most of the students would still be in the great hall for dinner and she was relieved to find the common room empty. The seventh year boy's dormitories were easily accessible to her and she slipped quietly through the door before removing the cloak. The room was a sea of black, green and silver with large four poster beds arranged facing the window on the far wall. The underwater view of the lake reminded Hermione of an aquarium as it cast swirling shadows throughout the cave like room. It created a calming ambience and she smiled watching a school of fish shimmer past; the vast window really was magnificent. She made her way across the room to the bathroom door and left it slightly ajar, hoping that Draco would arrive soon. After a short perusal of her reflection in the mirror she started to get dressed, giggling nervously at her ensemble. He had asked for this for months and while she had considered saving this particular fantasy for graduation it felt like it was a much needed to boost his waning spirits.

The silky silver push up bra felt amazing next to her skin and she reflected that more silk purchases in the future were a must. The Slytherin house tie and matching knee high socks with silver stilettos almost completed the look. All that was left was the Slytherin robe which she had knicked from the laundry earlier and her naughty school girl costume was complete. Her chocolate brown hair was lusciously draped over one shoulder in shiny voluptuous curls flecked with amber highlights and, as usual, only minimal make up was applied. She perched herself on the edge of the bath and waited, listening intently for the sound of the dormitory door to open.

* * *

Draco Malfoy was the very definition of livid. He was just itching for someone to look at him or start something so he could vent out some of the anger that had been festering all week. It was civil war between the Malfoy men and so far Lucius had all the victories with his endless public humiliations and threats. The howlers were a particularly low blow. He knew what Lucius was doing; it was all a reminder that he thought of him as an insolent child and he was trying to capitalize on pushing his fiercely private and reserved son over the edge with the lack of discretion.

It made him see red.

He considered joining the boys for a drink at the astronomy tower but instead left to finish up some study in the library. Whilst there he found a few books Hermione had mentioned the day before so he added them to his satchel for her. Just the thought of his girl made his anger abate somewhat and he decided a night off spent with her was an appealing idea. Thank fuck Potter and Weasley were already enlisted at auror training deciding not to come back to repeat their seventh year. It really would've just made this week all the more unbearable than it already was if they were around jostling for time with Hermione. She was more an honorary Slytherin these days than golden trio member with all the time she spent in the snake pit. A small smile crossed his features as he thought this, though it quickly became a glare as a group of fifth years walked and then ran quickly past his table. "Still got it" he thought with a smirk and then continued to pack away his belongings. He gracefully rose and then strode for the library exit deciding to head straight to the dungeons to owl Hermione to meet him.

Hermione heard a grunt and peaked through the crack in the bathroom door to see Draco scowling and stomping towards his bed. He really did look adorable in his agitated state and she grinned as he ran his hand through his hair making it gloriously unkempt only enhancing his looks. Angrily he stripped off his robes and tie before riffling through his bedside drawers and turning to head towards where she was hiding. He roughly pushed the door open and froze as he saw her, his eyes going wide and slowly drinking in her appearance. A broad smile lit up his face and he slowly stepped towards her "My, my Granger, this is a pleasant surprise".

"Quite", she replied checking her nails with a blasé demeanor.

Draco tutted "Am I sensing an attitude dearest?" He was smirking now and approaching her in a cat like manor.

Hermione smirked right back and stood resting her hip against the bath. "You could be. What are you going to do about it? Hmm?"

"Slytherin"

"Why yes, it appears I am right now."

There was now barely any space between them and his breath tickled her neck sending shivers down her spine. Gentle kisses caressed her skin in a trail towards her ear.

"Hermione?" He breathed seductively, still trailing his open mouth along the side of her neck. "Yes Draco?" Her heart was beating wildly as she tilted her head giving him easier access.

"The shoes stay on."

She let out a soft moan, grabbed his head and passionately kissed him sucking his lower lip and grazing her teeth against it. Her fingers ripped open his shirt and slowly roamed from his chest to his shoulders where she clung onto him as he grabbed her around the waist and thigh and pushed her against the wall. They were frenzied and ravenous with each other desperate to consume and be consumed. It was in their nature to want to dominate the other and this was particularly true when they were intimate. Draco was relentless, nipping and sucking with abandon eliciting delicious sounds from Hermione as he deftly removed her cloak and bra whilst rocking against her shoving her further up the wall. She was moaning and gasping threading her hands through his platinum hair and gently scratching a path down to his neck. He reached a hand in between them and slid her knickers down before thrusting two fingers inside of her. "Fuck, Hermione! I fucking need you," he growled, his lips grazing over her nipple and flicking over her erect bud. She shuddered and moved against his hand feeling the delicious ache build up her abdomen, the tingles jolting her with pleasure. "I want you inside of me, now" she gasped, he growled low in his throat and bucked against her, burying himself in one long thrust. His hands tightly gripped her thighs and she clung to him as each thrust forced her to slide against the cool tiled wall. They were melded together in ecstasy each thrust rhythmic and all consuming. Her walls clenched and drew him in as she grew closer to her release the pulsing, throbbing sensations moving up her body making her muscles shutter needing release. Her words became incoherent, her nails digging into his broad shoulders, his back taught and rippling from the exertion. With a low building groan she came around him and he shouted her name as he met his own release. They gasped for breath as they came down and slid to the floor still locked together embracing. They stayed like that for some time seeking comfort in one another. It was intimate and thoroughly relaxed them both in their hazy state.

After the warm welcome Draco received upon entering his dorm, he and Hermione continued to "welcome" each other multiple times on the floor, in the shower and with a rather pleasant romp against the window complete with a grindylow audience. They were resting on a pile of blankets on the floor having some much needed down time. Hermione started laying gentle kisses along the bridge of his nose. "You know, I sent the boys away for tonight so we have the whole place to ourselves for hours…and hours…and hours."

Draco chuckled and rubbed gentle circles on the small of her back. "Insatiable witch. How did you manage that? Theo is adamant that he always sleeps in his own bed. I'm certain his room at home has a replica of his bed here. "

Hermione snorted, "oh I think that will be the last thing on his mind tonight, I sent them for a bit of a field trip into muggle night life."

"You jest? Surely? They wouldn't last 10 minutes out there." He shook his head trying to picture his friends in a muggle club. "The lights alone would set Theo off and he'd start hexing everyone in sight."

"Oh trust me, in this club; they will definitely not be noticing the lights." She started giggling and couldn't stop.

"Granger, "Draco rumbled, "What did you do?"

She looked at him with her big innocent puppy eyes and bit her lip, silently communicating that she may have been a tad naughty. He rose his eyebrow questioning how naughty exactly. She slowly shrugged her shoulders meaning it was hard to say. He raised both eyebrows and waited.

"Alright, fine! I may have sent them to a strip club and I may have told them it was Greg's bachelor party and I may have organised some extra special dances for them." She screwed up her nose and grimaced, holding the look and waiting for Draco's reaction.

"You are 100% certifiably slytherin", he said and then threw his head back and delved into hysterical laughter. She didn't think she'd ever seen him laugh so hard. The laughter was contagious and soon they were both holding their stomachs and begging for air.

"God's I hope someone takes pictures, I can't wait to hear all about it! I did give them a folder with information and set them up at a hotel for the night so they should be ok." She did briefly ponder adding some sort of tracking spell to them but thought it may have been overkill.

Draco hummed in reply and then looked at her intently. "I do have a serious question for you though." His ran his index finger along her shoulder and down between the valley in her breasts. "Blaise's bed or Theo's?" His hand continued its decent down her body.

"Goyle's isn't included in the options?" She questioned.

He gave her a look.

"Ha! Ok. Theo's it is."

* * *

The next morning Draco was roused from sleep by a brunette nestled between his thighs gently sucking on the tip of his cock. He decided then and there that waking up in bed with Hermione Granger was easily the best thing known to existence. She smiled and looked him straight in the eye as she slowly took all of him in her mouth and started to bob her head. He groaned and curled his fingers into her hair slowly bucking and muttering sleepily. Her teeth lightly grazed against the base of his length and it was enough to send him over the edge. He came with a shout and then shouted again as he saw two giant eyes staring at him from the window. Hermione reeled back thinking she had hurt him when she also followed his gaze and saw what had startled him. She yelped and flew backwards falling off the bed.

"Fucking voyeur squid!" Draco yelled and threw his pillow at the window. He could've sworn the squid winked before floating away. He leant over to help Hermione off the floor and nestled her in beside him. "Stupid fish," he muttered, "it's caught Blaise out before too." Hermione chuckled and pictured Blaise standing at the window waving his fists at the marine life.

"Speaking of Blaise, we should head down to the great hall. They are probably back by now, it's nearly 10." Draco bent down and kissed her forehead. Hermione got up and they both dressed before going to see the boys to find out about their adventures.

They arrived in the great hall and all three were absent from the Slytherin table. Breakfast was very much needed before any inquiries were made about their whereabouts so they walked together and sat in their usual spot in the middle. Hermione was pouring them both some tea when the owls started arriving cascading and swooping down upon the tables. A large grey ruffled owl dropped before them both with a slightly damp letter. Draco absently picked it up and had a quick look at the writing on the front. "It's from Theo, maybe they are staying at the hotel for a while." He took a sip of his tea as he opened the letter and promptly spat it back out all over the table. Hermione jumped in alarm and then saw the look of complete shock on his face. She glanced over to read the letter herself and blanched.

"Oh fuck."


	4. Chapter 4: Monkey See, Monkey Do

Now Blaise Zabini liked to think of himself as a level headed man in times of discord and so he reasoned that hiding from a lion in a bathroom with Gregory Goyle was not particularly favourable. After remembering that Granger had sent them on their night out they also remembered her folder with information which Greg was now peaking at through a crack in the bathroom door. He turned back to Blaise as he quietly closed it, wincing as a soft click echoed against the tiled walls.

"Ok, Blaise, I have a plan. I'll re-inflate the doll thing and then use it as a shield and distract the lion while you run over to the couch and grab the folder. I'll stun the lion, clean up the room and then we'll go down and check out and go back to Hogwarts."

Blaise blinked and stared at Goyle for a few moments. "Or because we are fucking wizards, we open the door stun the lion, Accio the file, Apparate to that cafe down the road and drink coffee while we calm down and plan our revenge on Granger." He said in a slow deliberate fashion.

"Er…yes, there's that." Goyle blushed slightly and then coughed into his fist. "So…ahh, yes you get the lion I'll get the folder, maybe we should get the bed off the ceiling yeah? The muggles would notice that."

"Yes, Goyle, I'm sure that will be their focus and not the giant dick covered chandelier in the middle of the room." Blaise said, rolling his eyes. He did see his point though. On principle he would not do a full clean up but removing traces of magic would be wise.

Goyle mumbled under his breath as they both raised their wands before kicking the door open and quickly getting the folder, lion and the bed sorted. They Apparated to the alley next to the cafe and regained their composure before sitting at a table and perusing the menu. An espresso was desperately needed before revenge planning went under way and a typical Slytherin gentleman simply didn't rush breakfast for such endeavours in the first place.

Blaise was absently looking through the folder and drinking his coffee in silence as Goyle seemed to be deep in thought. A worrying sight at the best of times.

"Blaise, I was just thinking-"

"Yes, I'm concerned at that prospect already but do continue." The man could have waited until he'd finished his coffee, but no.

Goyle was unfazed by the interruption and narrowed his eyes now entering into the deep thought stage. "Where's Theo?"

Blaise paused mid sip and slowly lowered his cup.

"I do remember him coming out with us and his scarf was left on that lion so he must have come back to the hotel with us." Goyle said pensively as he ate some more bacon. He looked over to Blaise who was frozen with his hand tightly holding on to his cup.

Goyle continued. "You know, what would be really funny is if he was the lion. Gods! Can you imagine how pissed he'd be? He'd never live it down! It would be up there with Drake's ferret story." He chuckled at the thought but the smile completely dropped off his face as he stared at Blaise in mortification.

Nothing else was said as the two Slytherins bolted from the table, their chairs slamming to the floor as they hastily started to run in the direction of the hotel.

"Wait! Let's just Apparate back to the room?" Goyle suggested as he abruptly stopped.

"Check out time was 20 minutes ago! The muggles have probably discovered the room by now! Fuck!" Blaise's nostrils flared as he tried to calm down whilst clutching the bridge of his nose. "We'll walk through the front entrance and see what the situation is first. We aren't bloody Gryffindor's! I'm not doing some Harry Potter shit and just running into there full pelt screaming about saving my friend who is potentially a lion. Have some dignity for Salazar's sake!"

Goyle did think it was ironic that he was speaking of dignity after he woke up dressed as a muggle magic man with his school mate who was glued to a sex doll. He did wisely chose to remain silent on commenting on this seeing Blaise starting to lose his grip.

"Ok, no heroics, but either way we need that lion." Goyle said. He started to walk forward again and Blaise followed after briefly looking towards the clouds and muttering incoherently. They neared the end of the street and turned at the end to walk towards the hotel but quickly ducked behind a parked car as they took in yet another chaotic scene before them.

A large green van with _ZSL London Zoo_ blazoned on the side was parked on the pavement outside the hotel with people rushing in and out amongst photographers capturing the scene. A concierge was yelling at another man his face purple with rage as he pointed up to the windows of the rooms and waved his arms around obviously incensed at the mayhem. Two khaki suited men came out of the entrance wheeling the incapacitated lion out on a bed like structure making its way towards the van. Sirens and blue and red flashing lights could be heard rapidly approaching and the two boys looked at each other in disbelief as the van pulled out onto the street and left the scene.

Blaise quickly looked into the folder for the map they had been given and located where _London Zoo_ was. He didn't know what exactly a 'Zoo' entailed but he figured it was a place where such creatures were kept. He drew his wand and Disillusioned himself and Goyle before grabbing his friend's wrist and dragging him up to look for a muggle transportation service Granger had mentioned called a _Taxi_. They walked back around the corner before they located one of the small black Taxi vehicles and dropped their cover to hail it down as described in the package. Blaise didn't have time to be impressed that this had actually worked and quickly pointed out on the map where they wanted to be driven.

En route to the Zoo Blaise came up with the next logical steps of the plan. First and foremost, they needed to find the lion and see if it was Theo. Secondly he decided they needed to return to the strip club if Theo was not said lion, and question the muggles about what had happened the night before and if their group had been separated at some point. The day was rapidly turning into a Gryffindor-esque rescue adventure and Blaise was wondering how Potter had put up with this shit for years on end.

They arrived at the zoo entrance and gave the bewildered taxi driver a large wad of paper notes not thinking anything of paying 525 pounds for a 10 minute ride. They started to weave through the mass of crowds looking for any sign of where lions were kept when Goyle got side tracked and went over to observe some gorillas who were eating whilst gazing in boredom at the people around their enclosure. Goyle cackled and waved over to Blaise to summon him. "Look! It's like a family of Hagrid's!" Goyle started waving his arms around to get their attention and one of the gorilla's started mimicking his movements. Blaise met the gaze of what he assumed was the leader of the gorilla troop and could have sworn it rolled its eyes at the behaviour of his kin. Blaise briefly considered depositing Goyle into the enclosure as a transfigured banana but instead sent a hidden stinging hex at his arse and jerked his head towards a sign pointing towards the lion exhibit. Goyle reluctantly left with him with a scowl on his face wishing he could have more time exploring the fascinating place. The muggle world was really quite entertaining in his opinion.

Blaise led the way and tried to find the best access point for them to get into the lion's den. He noticed the staff entering from a side door and transfigured their clothes to match the uniform they were wearing. They both stunned the two guards and then walked into the large enclosure looking around at the lions pacing and casting shield charms around themselves for protection. Goyle noticed some muggles looking strangely at them with their wands out and decided to take the initiative and come up with a cover story.

"Ladies and gentleman, we are doing some training exercises today with some new methods. We are professionals and know what we're doing. Please do not be alarmed." He bowed in the direction of the gathering crowd and began whispering _'Finite Incantatem'_ at the lions. Blaise shook his head and almost cracked a smile as he began following suit. Children "ooed" and "ahhed" at the performance whilst the adults commented on the bizarre laser training that had no effect on the lions. After fifteen minutes and no change they concluded that Theo was not the lion and the whole thing was ridiculous and more fucking expresso was needed to get through this day.

Blaise walked back towards the entrance and saw Goyle look longingly towards the gift shop. "Just five minutes Blaise? Go get a coffee and meet me back here then we'll go to the club yeah?" He could see Blaise think over this for a second looking at him with squinted eyes. "I'm never fucking drinking again." Blaise murmured and stalked off in search of coffee, possibly a vat of it to drown himself in. Copious amounts of caffeine would definitely be needed before they continued to their next destination. He wasn't admitting defeat yet. Contacting Draco and Hermione would only be a last resort and really his pride couldn't take much more of a hit than it had already.


	5. Chapter 5: The Club

**Hi! Sorry for the long wait, I'll be updating this weekly from now on and have some chapters pre-written :) I'd love to know what you think! x**

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Goyle was walking alongside Blaise in silence trying to keep up with the other man's hurried strides. They'd had another short taxi ride that they'd been kicked out of due to a dismal lack of funds. After receiving an ear full with angry fists waved in their faces, they'd been unceremoniously kicked to the curb, the man still spluttering obscenities out the window. Blaise had wanted to Confund the driver but he'd been swayed with the suggestion of a brisk walk to calm down. His left eye was twitching much too frequently - from the caffeine over-load or the crisscrossing all over Muggle London in their quest; Goyle really couldn't say.

While he was somewhat concerned with their situation he could happily admit it had all been very entertaining. The muggle world was a fucking riot as far as he was concerned. He wondered if Voldemort had gone out to the muggle world for a drink-back when he worked retail instead of being a dark overlord-then maybe he wouldn't have been all murder-y and rage-y. Although maybe it was the retail work that pushed him over the edge in the first place. He pondered on this and pictured a young Voldy trying to deal with customer complaints and stock taking. He chuckled and hoped that all this wasn't a catalyst for Blaise going on a murderous rampage in a Dark Lord fashion. His friend was really not handling it at all. Giving Blaise a quick side eyed glance, he hoped they would finally receive some answers at the strip club before Blaise fully morphed into an angsty, dark featured Malfoy-like twin. Draco would definitely have snapped by now if he were here instead.

Definitely.

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The club was fairly inconspicuous from the outside but on the inside it was a veritable feast of sensory amusements. It was nearing midday but there was plenty of noise and partying going on with smart suited dwellers making up the bulk of inhabitants. Goyle, again, firmly established his love of the world where people could go to places like this in their lunch break. It was ludicrous.

It was _brilliant_.

A brown haired man behind the bar looked up as they entered and a broad smile lit up his face. He was tall and well dressed, appearing to be in his mid-twenties with a frustratingly cheery temperament. Blaise was torn between feeling relieved and cautious at the recognition even though it seemed positive…for now.

"Oh my god! Oh my god, Mark! Get out here! Those eccentric toff blokes are back," he yelled, looking over his shoulder into the storeroom behind the bar. He whipped his head back around and gestured to the two Slytherin's, beckoning them over.

Goyle smiled and raised a hand in greeting, perching on a metal stool in front of the man. Blaise looked from left to right quickly scanning his surroundings and followed, his movements rigid and robotic, his face carefully blank.

The man named Mark popped his head out from the door and smiled walking over to the group. "Oh man, I'm so glad you guys came back. You guys were hilarious last night! One of the best nights I've ever had in this joint. You look a bit shell shocked, Blaise," he chuckled. "You guys probably have the mother of all hangovers today, am I right?"

"Quite," Blaise replied. "Forgive me for not recalling you, we are lacking certain details from last night and were hoping to find some answers here. Would you care to explain what exactly happened?"

The man chuckled again and shook his head. It was like speaking to some random from an Austen novel. It was like they were from a different planet.

"I'm really not surprised at all! I'm Mark, I manage this place on weekends. A few days ago Greg's fiancé Hermione rang and booked a booth for you blokes for his bachelor party. She made some very specific requests for what you were after, especially you, Blaise," he winked, trying to keep the mirth from his tone and failing. "You rocked up with that other dark haired guy, Terry? Tom?"

"Theo."

"Ah yes, that's the one! Anyway the three of you rocked up and we assumed you were from some theatre company with the way you were carrying on. You weren't that sloshed but it was like you guys had never had vodka before!"

Blaise cleared his throat. "Yes. Well, what happened after we arrived and what were these _requests_ that we apparently had?"

"Oh, you boys were blind drunk after barely 20 minutes here, and I'm pretty sure you'd taken LSD after that with the way you were acting." He had to pause to laugh a bit before he carried on with his tale.

"So anyways, we were asked to supply 3 girls for a dance for you, Blaise, and they had to be red heads and call themselves _The Weaslettes"-_

Goyle interrupted by breaking into hysterical laughter, tears streaming down his face as he clutched his stomach and tried to keep from falling to the floor. Blaise slowly breathed through his nose, his nostrils flaring and teeth grinding together.

"Yes, what else?" he gritted out, he was regretting not leaving Greg with the bloody apes back at the zoo.

"For Greg it was another very specific request. It was pretty obvious that it was meant as a joke. Hermione said for him we needed a girl to dress as an elderly Scottish woman who called herself _Professor McGonagall_ and it was asked that she acted like a cat. Alicia thought it was great fun! She's going to add it to her routine."

Goyle abruptly stopped laughing and looked to Blaise with wide-eyed horror. Blaise, naturally, was pleased with the turn of events and smirked. Things couldn't get much worse than getting a lap dance from a pseudo McGonagall channelling a cat.

"And for Theo?"

Mark smirked and flicked his gaze between the men. "For Theo it was requested that we supply you both some costumes of choice from the men's department. Blaise, you chose a magician's outfit and Greg you just decided to go completely starkers and dance with one of the blow up dolls while _attending_ to Theo. The girls showed you some moves. It was a cracking good effort boys."

Blaise stood, his stool falling back to the floor with a loud crack. He turned on the spot and made to leave, wishing to abandon everything, definitely _obliviate_ himself and just get the fuck out of there.

"Wait! Before you go, two things. You made friends with Rick last nigh, who is one of the guys who usually works behind the bar. He joined up with your group and you all left together. He took some pictures too if you're wanting to do some damage control. Also when you guys all left you were heading off to meet up with Rick's mate who was finishing work at the tattoo place close by. Its only two streets away and he lives in the flat above the shop."

"Could we have that address please?" Goyle asked looking stricken. They really needed to hurry up now and find Theo. In Goyle's opinion it was high time that they called in reinforcements in the form of Granger who started this whole thing anyway.

Mark nodded and started to write down what they needed. Blaise had left and Goyle hoped he was just waiting for him outside and not throwing himself in front or a car or worse hexing the crap out of one; he'd had enough of threats from enraged drivers for one day.

Blaise was indeed waiting for him outside and was staring at the sky. Goyle slowly approached him and seriously considered the lion less dangerous at this point. Blaise said nothing but calmly held out his hand and quickly wrenched the small piece of paper from his grasp. Goyle stayed silent and wide-eyed just waiting for an explosion. He was surprised when Blaise, again, _calmly_ pulled out their map and located the next address. It was taking a lot for Goyle to stop himself from running wildly down the street, arms flailing, and screaming for everyone to "RUN". Or, because he was a Slytherin, he could simply Disillusion himself and quickly fade into a group of passing muggles and never look back. There were options here.

"Don't even think about it, you couldn't cast a Disillusionment charm quick enough and I'm a fucking wizard too, if you ran off screaming I'd just stun you, you fool."

Goyle spluttered and turned a lovely shade of red.

"Er…umm…should we head off to this tattoo place now?"

Blaise nodded and once again started to briskly walk to what was undoubtedly another place of doom.

"It is lucky we didn't get any tattoo's though, hey Blaise? Although it would be hilarious if Theo had one, wherever he is." Goyle was determined to keep Blaise lucid now and was talking to him like he was trying to placate a three-year-old.

Blaise, again, nodded, his face statuesque and not revealing the hysterical screaming of profanities and hair pulling that was occurring in his head. "Indeed, Goyle, a small mercy at this point."

He was, however, wrong. So _very_ wrong.


End file.
